{"product_id":"dont-touch-me-funny-hand-cream-gift-island-citrus","title":"Don't Touch Me - Funny Hand Cream Gift, Island Citrus","description":"The hand crème for people who love smooth skin but hate everyone else. Don’t Touch Me combines lightweight hydration with a delightfully antisocial attitude. Made with nourishing cocoa butter and fast-absorbing jojoba oil, this clean, vegan, and cruelty-free formula leaves hands silky AF without the greasy feel. The bright, sunny blend of island citrus delivers instant mood-lifting energy—without requiring any actual human interaction. Packaged in a recyclable tube with a chic gold cap, it’s a functional self-care staple wrapped in unapologetic personality.\n\nWhy customers love it:\n• Everyday hydration: Lightweight blend with jojoba oil + cocoa butter.\n• Non-greasy feel: Fast-absorbing, silky finish.\n• Uplifting scent: Island Citrus brings bright, fresh, “do not perceive me” energy.\n• Gift-ready packaging: Recyclable tube with luxe gold cap.\n• Clean beauty standards: Vegan, cruelty-free, made in the USA.\n\nBest for:\nRetailers looking for humor with an edge — perfect for gift shops, lifestyle boutiques, apothecaries, and apparel stores where customers love personality-packed self-care.\n\nMerchandising ideas for retailers:\n• Position as an under $25 impulse buy for introverts and sarcasm enthusiasts.\n• Display with sass-forward items like snarky journals, shower steamers, and matches.\n• Perfect for “bad mood” gift sets, break-up boxes, or anti-Valentine’s displays.\n•\tGreat for Holiday Gifting, Valentine's Day Gifts, Birthday Gifts, Mother's Day Gifts,  Everyday Gifts or Stocking Stuffers under $25\n\nThe Chez Gagné twist (straight from the tube):\n“If ‘GET AWAY FROM ME’ is your vibe… we’ve got you covered. Our non-greasy blend of jojoba oil and cocoa butter softens rough hands and hard edges alike. We’ll make you hydrated, radiant, and still totally unapproachable. You. Are. Welcome.”\n\nProduct details:\n\n• Name: Don’t Touch Me – Moisturizing Hand Crème (Island Citrus)\n• Size: 3.4 oz \/ Tube dimensions: 2.4 x 5.75 in.\n• Packaging: Recyclable tube with luxe gold cap\n• Formula: Lightweight, fast-absorbing blend with cocoa butter + jojoba oil\n• Scent: Island Citrus (bright, fresh, sunny)\n• Made in USA: From domestic + globally sourced components\n• Vegan + cruelty-free","brand":"Chez Gagné","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":59900932325662,"sku":"HC014","price":20.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0925\/1926\/8638\/files\/a2573ae9eeec8b40d97dcdddf83300d3973922142ba97629404d6ef0f83d0136.png?v=1788834752","url":"https:\/\/shop.tulipbloomboutique.com\/products\/dont-touch-me-funny-hand-cream-gift-island-citrus","provider":"Tulip Bloom Boutique","version":"1.0","type":"link"}